Well, after a really long time, I am posting again one of my poems. However this particular piece of write up has nothing to do with the meantime. It was just as spontaneous and immediate as any good poem.
The poem is about a guy who is proposed by a girl but he could not accept it. He had this strong feeling that he is not the guy for this girl, and this is what he is explaining to this girl. I was just discovering this situation, where I got this question in my mind...is he really not the right guy for this girl, because he cares, he is concerned and put in his energy to push her in a better world..???
Whats your take..??
..........
tera meri taqdeer mein rakha kya hai
dil khuda nahin mera, fir tera khwaab kya hai
kuch khaas nahin, bas chand tedi medhi
lakeerein hain hath mein mere
gehri hain bahut jaise pasre hain andhere
meri zameen pe khichi, to bat kya sab kuch
tera asmaan bat jaye jo to fir mila kya hai....
...........
bahut khoobsurat hote hain khwaab
tu ye gunah na karwa
pakeezah si khwahishon mein
mjhse daag na lagwa
teri farmaishon mein
meri nakami ka mulk na ban jaye
ki fateh hum na kar sakein ise
aur dard se daman na bhar jaye
........
mere is khyal ko kuch to tawazzo de
jirah nahin hai tujhse
bas ek darkhwaast samajh le
ki aur na aazma mujhe
main hun nahin shaqs wo wajib
chod bhi is sune shahar mein basa kya hai
tera meri taqdeer mein rakha kya hai...
amazing poem dude................god bless u
ReplyDeletem spell bound............palok u rock...........keep the wrk goin buddy...shreya
ReplyDeletehey dude nice thoughts wid gud alignment nd flow.. nd seriously u hav gud vocab of urdu words.. i wonder i dont get such words while writing mine.. actually poem writin has becum ma passion too..
ReplyDeletewanted to ask do u work on dis for perfect output or u just write it at once wen it cums to ur mind...???
well wrote bro
applause to u.. :)
FANTASTIC Palok...just too good...loved it! :)
ReplyDeleteHey thank u all people...big big big thanks to you shitj, shreya,archit and rakhi...
ReplyDeleteyour appreciation means a lot and rakhi you share an edge...so thanxxx!
And yes archit, spontaneity of thoughts can never be over ruled because this what makes your real stuff otherwise soch ke art nahi hoti, it becomes craft...so let it be spontaneous but to improve is a golden feature, so holding which I try n work on language as well....language is the charm, it is the means...should not die in your writing!
u know balatkaar..just dont do that!
thanks and gud luck!
the poem is amazing palok....keep it up !!!
ReplyDeleteGreat man.......it is just awesome.i loved it
ReplyDeletevery niceeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletethank you saba, riya and aashir....thanks for your appreciation!
ReplyDeleteI believe I dont know you aashir...may i know who is this...??
To express my views....words fall short...yet i have to say...TOUCHED MY HEART!!!
ReplyDeleteI believe this probably has touched my heart neelam....thanks a lot!
ReplyDeleteWell well well !!! I have to admire the effort.... Kudos to the poet !!
ReplyDeleteI like the sudden discovery of such a concept though I feel its a little filmy... I am more of a nature and life's philosophy enthusiast....Anyways coming back to the transcript...praise for putting all the extremely extinct words together in such a short poem, a clarity in expression throughout the poem, correct grammar and solid vocabulary.
I feel the finishing part of a stranza is what captures the heart of the lines prior to it and and binds the stranza in union.... and closing lines are pretty well on track... Delight!! but you can improve.... a stranza is one emotion and you know how to keep it on...
All the very best...!!! Keep penning...!!
Wo wo wo....this is just the moment!....
ReplyDeleteLaurik Singh...brother with an alienated difference of thoughts....for as long as,...hhhmmm.... since 1988!
But this is just the time when it feels like on the same planet....
An honest appreciation, precious draft and one rare moment of the century!
Thanks for everything!